[ But the moment his mouth breaks apart from Sasuke's and he gets in a breath, reality slams itself straight through him like a knife to the front, shock spiking hard through his body as he yanks his head back and stares at just what the fuck he's doing, at his hand wrapped around Sasuke's throat and Sasuke's glistening mouth parted and panting and swollen from kisses, and Kakashi can feel him pressing against his thigh, can feel himself, still at full hardness, pressing against Sasuke's hip and-- what the fuck have you done, you fucking piece of trash.
A ragged, sharp gasp, half-aborted, almost painful, chokes its way past his mouth and Kakashi rips himself away from Sasuke in a frantic jerk, taking a hard step, then two back as he yanks his mask back up over his face. For a moment, he just stares at Sasuke in quiet horror, eye roaming over the boy's disheveled state, the red marks on the pale column of his throat that will absolutely turn into bruises, and it's like a hand of lightning through the chest all over again. A hand of lightning and Kakashi breaking promises to protect the things that are most precious, breaking promises because it's what he does. Breaking promises like he breaks people and ends lives and fucks up in ways that are unforgivable.
He can't even meet Sasuke's eyes, can't bring himself to see the betrayal, disappointment, shock. Doesn't know what the fuck came over him to make him do what he just did, or why Sasuke was so receptive when it was so wrong, and surely, it wasn't what Sasuke really wanted, no. Couldn't be, when Sasuke is only seventeen fucking years old and Kakashi is his superior in every way, and even if Kakashi is no stranger to this sort of arrangement, he had taken advantage of Sasuke's trust in him in the worst possible way.
He can't be here right now.
He can't be standing here when he clearly can't even trust himself with Sasuke, can't trust that he won't just lose his self-control and go after Sasuke again when Sasuke is vulnerable and what he needed was a friend, a sensei, not another older man trying to manipulate and control him and fuck him and (no, don't go there, Kakashi doesn't even want to think back to just how experienced Sasuke was, doesn't want to think about who it was that gave him that experience because to think it will destroy him and he's already destroyed too much) he turns on his heel and in a flash, he's out the fucking door. ]
no subject
A ragged, sharp gasp, half-aborted, almost painful, chokes its way past his mouth and Kakashi rips himself away from Sasuke in a frantic jerk, taking a hard step, then two back as he yanks his mask back up over his face. For a moment, he just stares at Sasuke in quiet horror, eye roaming over the boy's disheveled state, the red marks on the pale column of his throat that will absolutely turn into bruises, and it's like a hand of lightning through the chest all over again. A hand of lightning and Kakashi breaking promises to protect the things that are most precious, breaking promises because it's what he does. Breaking promises like he breaks people and ends lives and fucks up in ways that are unforgivable.
He can't even meet Sasuke's eyes, can't bring himself to see the betrayal, disappointment, shock. Doesn't know what the fuck came over him to make him do what he just did, or why Sasuke was so receptive when it was so wrong, and surely, it wasn't what Sasuke really wanted, no. Couldn't be, when Sasuke is only seventeen fucking years old and Kakashi is his superior in every way, and even if Kakashi is no stranger to this sort of arrangement, he had taken advantage of Sasuke's trust in him in the worst possible way.
He can't be here right now.
He can't be standing here when he clearly can't even trust himself with Sasuke, can't trust that he won't just lose his self-control and go after Sasuke again when Sasuke is vulnerable and what he needed was a friend, a sensei, not another older man trying to manipulate and control him and fuck him and (no, don't go there, Kakashi doesn't even want to think back to just how experienced Sasuke was, doesn't want to think about who it was that gave him that experience because to think it will destroy him and he's already destroyed too much) he turns on his heel and in a flash, he's out the fucking door. ]