Sasuke doesn't know how long he stands there feeling nothing.
It feels like days. It could very well be no time at all.
He isn't sure if he heard the door slam shut with the finality of a tomb - shaking the wall and his brace of weight against it - or if he imagined it. If that started the quake in his legs or if it came entirely from within.
It doesn't matter that his Sharingan are still active. He doesn't see the world spin. Doesn't see anything until his face is a foot from the carpet and the scrape of burns on his elbows and knees and the heels of his hands is the first sensation that penetrates the vast, empty numb. He has to wonder how he moved. He doesn't remember falling. It takes several moments before he notices the carpet going blurry, then coming back into sharp focus every few seconds. His Sharingan are strobing on and off. He still has to reach out and take stock before he can feel the burning in his chest. He's not sure if he's hyperventilating or not breathing at all. He can't remember feeling air really fill his lungs since there were fingers bearing down into the flesh of his neck.
He's panicking. And it's only consciously realizing this that makes his brain click onto why.
And now there's not a single thought he can form outside the look of horror on Kakashi's face, crystal-clear in Sharingan-perfect memory, preserved forever in his head.
Sasuke's whole body heaves.
His eyes slam shut, but closing them only serves to remove the veneer of carpet grains millimeters from his eyes. (The surface is rough on his forehead but he can't pick out the discomfort.) It just makes the picture of Kakashi clearer in the black behind his eyelids. Horrified at what he'd done. Disgusted. With Sasuke (stupid, easy, slut), or with himself (didn't want it, doesn't know what came over him, why the hell would he want you).
And he's not even here. Couldn't look at Sasuke straight. Couldn't stand to be in the same room with him (building, maybe; village, continent, planet), and why would he, really? What the fuck is Sasuke but a stupid seventeen-year-old brat with a hero complex ("avenger," ha) that he fucks up at absolutely every turn (you tried to kill him; why would he want anything to do with you?)
He doesn't even need Kakashi to touch him. He doesn't. He wanted it, fuck of course he wanted it but that was because he thought Kakashi wanted it too. But he can pack that away. He can pack that away and pretend this never happened (he doesn't even know where any of this came from) if it means Kakashi will look him in the fucking eye again (not that he deserves it).
There's a pain in his scalp from how hard Sasuke's fingers are tugging in his hair, both hands balled into fists close to the root, but at least that's sensory input that isn't Kakashi's horrified (disgusted, disappointed, of course you're not fucking good enough for this) face that he can't even look at directly because Kakashi left.
Again.
A rough noise cracks out of Sasuke's throat with the next heave. He grits his teeth and tries not to let himself think that it sounded like a sob.
At least Kakashi could have had the fucking decency to tie him to something this time, too, so he'd have some kind of external resistance to shaking apart.
3/3
It feels like days. It could very well be no time at all.
He isn't sure if he heard the door slam shut with the finality of a tomb - shaking the wall and his brace of weight against it - or if he imagined it. If that started the quake in his legs or if it came entirely from within.
It doesn't matter that his Sharingan are still active. He doesn't see the world spin. Doesn't see anything until his face is a foot from the carpet and the scrape of burns on his elbows and knees and the heels of his hands is the first sensation that penetrates the vast, empty numb. He has to wonder how he moved. He doesn't remember falling. It takes several moments before he notices the carpet going blurry, then coming back into sharp focus every few seconds. His Sharingan are strobing on and off. He still has to reach out and take stock before he can feel the burning in his chest. He's not sure if he's hyperventilating or not breathing at all. He can't remember feeling air really fill his lungs since there were fingers bearing down into the flesh of his neck.
He's panicking. And it's only consciously realizing this that makes his brain click onto why.
And now there's not a single thought he can form outside the look of horror on Kakashi's face, crystal-clear in Sharingan-perfect memory, preserved forever in his head.
Sasuke's whole body heaves.
His eyes slam shut, but closing them only serves to remove the veneer of carpet grains millimeters from his eyes. (The surface is rough on his forehead but he can't pick out the discomfort.) It just makes the picture of Kakashi clearer in the black behind his eyelids. Horrified at what he'd done. Disgusted. With Sasuke (stupid, easy, slut), or with himself (didn't want it, doesn't know what came over him, why the hell would he want you).
And he's not even here. Couldn't look at Sasuke straight. Couldn't stand to be in the same room with him (building, maybe; village, continent, planet), and why would he, really? What the fuck is Sasuke but a stupid seventeen-year-old brat with a hero complex ("avenger," ha) that he fucks up at absolutely every turn (you tried to kill him; why would he want anything to do with you?)
He doesn't even need Kakashi to touch him. He doesn't. He wanted it, fuck of course he wanted it but that was because he thought Kakashi wanted it too. But he can pack that away. He can pack that away and pretend this never happened (he doesn't even know where any of this came from) if it means Kakashi will look him in the fucking eye again (not that he deserves it).
There's a pain in his scalp from how hard Sasuke's fingers are tugging in his hair, both hands balled into fists close to the root, but at least that's sensory input that isn't Kakashi's horrified (disgusted, disappointed, of course you're not fucking good enough for this) face that he can't even look at directly because Kakashi left.
Again.
A rough noise cracks out of Sasuke's throat with the next heave. He grits his teeth and tries not to let himself think that it sounded like a sob.
At least Kakashi could have had the fucking decency to tie him to something this time, too, so he'd have some kind of external resistance to shaking apart.