fantheflame | IC Contact / Appointments: Luceti

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IC Contact / Appointments: Luceti

[For messages, action threads, whatever IC content that don't need their own posts!]

[ Kakashi doesn't push Sasuke more on it, especially when he can hear the defensiveness in Sasuke's tone, see it in the way he holds himself. He can only hope if there were really any reason to be concerned, Sasuke would seek out help. ]

Good.

[ Kakashi takes a sip of his tea then, quietly.

He doesn't say, I'm glad you're okay.

He doesn't need to. ]

[...Sasuke was really expecting Kakashi to push.]

[He glances up at the other, sidelong, calculating, when he doesn't. The tight grip Sasuke had been putting on his tea cup relaxes, and he takes another slow sip himself, dropping his gaze again. His eyes are on the scroll, but he's not really seeing it.]

[The silence stretches out for a minute or two, not uncomfortable, but maybe a little awkward. Sasuke almost reiterates that he knows his limits now, that he can practice without hurting himself irreparably. But the moment passes, and he chooses, for once, not to make an argument out of it. When he does speak, his voice is... maybe not light, but a little less heavy.]

...Isn't it kind of cold for you to be walking around with your mask wet?

[ The silence hadn't been too awkward for Kakashi. Not really. It had almost been a bit comfortable, if not entirely too nostalgic. They had spent quite some time in the past in silence with each other, after all. And that was quite okay with him, as it is now. But Sasuke's concern for his mask.

Well, that's kind of cute, actually.

Kakashi wonders if Sasuke's still curious what's under his mask, like the rest of Team 7. ]

Are you worried I'll catch a cold, Sasuke-kun?

[ The "kun" is added on intentionally.

Lightly. ]

Don't call me that.

[The retort is completely automatic, years-old rote racing to the forefront once provoked, and Sasuke blinks at himself once the words pass his lips. He opens his mouth again, closes it, and then takes a stiff sip from his tea. Trying to explain or take the words back would just make it worse, underline the weird nostalgia now simmering in Sasuke's gut.]

Freeze your lips off, more like.

[It's half-muttered, picking the thread of the conversation back up around... kind of feeling twelve again. Not being sure whether that's a bad thing in this particular case.]

Ah, so you are worried.

[ Kakashi's eye scrunches up into a perfect arc, and really, he's pleased, truly happy that Sasuke does care over something small like this. It makes him think that maybe, just maybe, they might be able to slowly mend the fissure that formed when Kakashi turned his back and left Sasuke in that tree all those years ago. ]

[Words fail Sasuke completely.]

[He just... blinks, staring at the other with lips parted slack for a moment, dumbfounded. That wasn't even half like what he meant - !]

[Or, you know, it sort of was - was it?]

[The scowl returns to Sasuke's face as he glances away, cuffs of his ears a little pink. It's not that he was worried, it's that... what, exactly? He's still childishly curious what Kakashi looks like under that mask (still sort of wonders why he insists on wearing it all the time)? That's not really any better, is it?]

You know, you're still a pain in the ass.

Edited 2014-01-15 04:42 (UTC)

[ Kakashi laughs then, really laughs, even though it's a quiet thing, low at the back of his throat. Though Kakashi had missed Sasuke when he had left like everyone else, it hadn't occurred to him that this is what he missed most of all. These little moments when Sasuke lets his guard down. Lets out the softer part of him that he liked to pretend didn't exist.

He reaches a hand out, gently sets it atop Sasuke's head in a bit of a hair ruffle. ]

Hai, hai.

[ Almost singsong. ]

Hey -!

[Sasuke ducks a little under the ruffle, not really escaping it, needing an extra second to switch hands so he doesn't pour tea all over them both when he brings the arm between them up to knock Kakashi's away. Gently, as strikes between ninja go. From Sasuke especially, maybe. There's insistence in the smack of his forearm up into Kakashi's, but no vitriol. And maybe, just maybe, there's a little sparkle of laughter in Sasuke's eyes behind the flameless glare he shoots the other, one that only almost makes it to his lips.]

[It's possible - possible - maybe - that he kind of missed this sort of thing, too. It's certainly surprisingly comfortable to just fall back into. Not like nothing ever happened, or like what happened wasn't a big deal... but like maybe it's possible to get past all of it. Eventually. Part of it now, piece by piece, picking up old threads.]

[ There is a part of Kakashi that wonders if it would have been like this all these long years Sasuke had been gone. If maybe the hint of a smile might have been more than just a faint curve along Sasuke's mouth. But then, he'd spent so many sleepless nights wondering the what ifs. What if Sasuke never left. What if he never let Sasuke down. What if he never turned his back and left him in that tree.

It's a little too late for what ifs.

And here they are, and all Kakashi can hope is that one day, maybe Sasuke might be able to smile.

He'll take what he can now, and chuckles softly as he pulls his offending hand back. ]

Maa... I suppose I should say thank you, then.

[Sasuke gives the other a long, calculating look side-eye at that. Takes a long, slow sip of his tea, still staring. Though the faint edge of laughter still hasn't left his eyes.]

[What are you playing at?]

Thank me for what?

For worrying about my health.

[ Now he's really teasing.

Maybe.

There's a smile there, though, and Kakashi sips his tea slowly. Pointedly, through his mask. ]

[Gods, seriously!?]

Don't even, [Sasuke snaps, that slight flush making itself known again. Glares at the other sidelong, as Kakashi sips, before scoffing and going back to staring at the scroll. Barely reading it, but just very much not looking at the other.]

[ Kakashi just chuckles, amused, as he finishes his tea, then sets it down. He reaches out and gives Sasuke's hair another fond ruffle before he gets up. ]

Alright, Sasuke, I hate to do this, but I should get going. I have to run a few more errands. But we should do this again sometime. [ Said as he gestures at the tea. ]

Edited 2014-02-27 05:31 (UTC)

[Sasuke considers just waving the other off with a scoff, but, after a moment, finds himself rolling the scroll shut and standing up to actually see the other out.]

Think we can get through tea without you being a smartass next time?

[Though for all that bluster, he still doesn't sound angry. And he's doing the polite host thing and following the other toward the door.]

Saa...

[ Kakashi's answer is, rather naturally, completely infuriating in its non-answer as he gives a slight shrug, glancing over his shoulder as he heads towards the door, passing under the archway leading into the hall to the doorway ~~and under a sprig of green he rather obliviously did not notice~~. It's then that he suddenly becomes highly aware of Sasuke's proximity to him, the soft footfalls of the boy's steps just behind. The way Sasuke shifts as he walks. The rustle of clothing against soft, pale skin with every movement.

It's so sudden, this heightened awareness, that Kakashi's caught surprised, breath almost catching in his throat at the intensity of his awareness to Sasuke. And as his gaze sweeps over his shoulder to settle on Sasuke's face, he finds himself seeing Sasuke in a way he's never seen him before. His eye flows from Sasuke's elegantly upturned eyes, down over the tip of his nose. Settles somewhere around the cupid's bow of his soft, supple mouth, and then sweeps down the gentle curve of his throat which Kakashi suddenly wants to wrap his hand around if only to find out if Sasuke would let him, and feel the way his pulse jumps under his fingers.

Maybe Sasuke would like it if he did that.

Maybe he'd like it better if Kakashi kisses him, too. Devours that little smirk right off his face.

Suddenly, he doesn't want to leave anymore.

Kakashi abruptly stops. ]

Edited 2014-02-27 05:47 (UTC)

[Kakashi. Always a pain in the ass. Always. Sasuke doesn't think he's ever known the man to be anything else. Doubts he could be anything else if he tried. (But then, what does that say about him being one of the few people Sasuke ever opened up to? One of the first he was willing to here? Who knows.)]

[He opens his mouth to chide Kakashi for the bullshit of his non-answer when Kakashi's stride wavers, and Sasuke nearly crashes into him. He has a little more grace than that, though, and checks himself, the note of his voice changing from exasperation to confusion -]

What are -

[When Kakashi turns his head to glance, and there's a look in his eye that shudders something deep to Sasuke's core. This time, he's the one that wavers, only a few steps behind the other. (Standing in the same spot Kakashi passed through just a moment before, under deep green leaves and plump white berries.)]

[For a moment, he's pinned by the way Kakashi stares. Until he realizes that Kakashi's eyes are moving down away from his, and he finds himself hyperaware that his sensei is giving him a once-over. Pins and needles race suddenly up his arms from the elbow, goosebumps trailing all the way up his shoulders and the back of his neck, the edge of his scalp. He's suddenly very aware of himself, in his own skin, and finds himself wondering what exactly Kakashi is looking at. Staring at. Examining.]

[He's half sure Kakashi's gaze lingers on his lips, and before he can process that consciously those lips have parted just enough to pull in a heavy breath.]

[He didn't realize he was still moving, slowly, keeping step with his sensei, until Kakashi stops, and Sasuke's steps fall still automatically. He's suddenly very aware that he's barefoot and wearing the closest thing he owns to pajamas. But he doesn't move. Doesn't speak. His eyes are still on Kakashi's eyes, watching the other watch him. He's not sure where or how to move. If he should move.]

[So he waits for Kakashi to move first.]

[ Kakashi thinks he could just lick Sasuke up with his eye flowing over the boy, roving and hungry like that thing inside him roaring alive with a sudden stab of desire, hot and heady, shooting straight down to his crotch and up to his eye, lashes dropping slightly in a hooded look. His gaze tics back down from Sasuke's mouth, parted with a heavy breath that Kakashi wants panting humid and hot against his ear, down to the slender column of his throat that he wants to have under his fingers, mark up with his teeth, leaving reminders of himself there in Sasuke's skin the way he did so many years ago.

(And maybe it's wrong, and maybe he shouldn't be having such thoughts about his student, but Kakashi's well past caring. Can't even begin to think about right or wrong when every part of him tells him that he needs to have him.)

In a sudden blur of motion, Kakashi has Sasuke by the base of the throat and slams him against the nearest wall, pinning him there with the weight of his body, one leg nudging to part both of Sasuke's. With the wide-eyed way Sasuke had looked, there was no denying what he read in the boy's eyes was as much desire as it was an invitation for Kakashi to do just what he's doing right now.

His grip on Sasuke's throat shifts from somewhat firm to deceptively gentle, thumb slowly stroking down over the roar of his carotid in almost a tender caress, the shadows of his mouth curved up in a vicious, vicious smirk under his mask.

As though inviting Sasuke to deny him this, when he knows it's what they both want. ]

[Sasuke could probably have countered that. He's spent too many years expecting an attack at any moment, even sleeping with his guard up, ever on alert. Kakashi's fast, but so is Sasuke, and he knows very well he could have at least given the other a good grapple, a struggle, if he'd wanted to.]

[He didn't want to.]

[The pins-and-needles feeling explodes out from that mantle across every single inch of his skin when fingers reach, catch, and press into the edges of his throat, and his breath catches in a gasp even before Kakashi moves them both. Rushes out when that slam crashes him into the wall, expels the breath from his lungs. He can feel the way it just, just struggles through his throat under that hard grip of fingers.]

[It takes a moment for the awareness of himself to return, for him to remember that he has more body than just the throat with the hand around it and the lungs that burn and the eyes that have Kakashi's gaze boring into them. He regains awareness of his legs first, of his inner thighs as Kakashi's leg presses between them in silent demand. He doesn't squirm. He doesn't protest. He just focuses, for that second, on the warm way his legs tingle at the touch and friction. He doesn't exactly spread his legs, but then again, Kakashi doesn't really have to use a lot of force to push until his knee meets the wall between Sasuke's thighs.]

[It takes him the longest time to remember his hands. He's all just breath and warm thighs and the beat of blood he can feel pulsing in his crotch in time with his heartbeat, throbbing just like the artery under Kakashi's thumb throbs, and fuck but he absolutely cannot wrench his gaze away from that look in Kakashi's eye. Can't slow down the breath that's now panting over parted lips as his periphery catches that smirk and he thinks he's got to be dreaming. He's got to be, except this is too real and the pounding of his blood under Kakashi's thumb (above his knee) is too intense. He's too hyperaware of the chakra thundering in the other's body, of the calluses scraping his throat in a way you wouldn't notice if you didn't know but they scream with the faint edge of lightning. He can almost feel the spark. Two fingers on his left hand twitch, responsive to that silent crackle that both definitely is there and certainly isn't, and it's only then that he remembers his hands, hanging useless at his sides. Palms press against the cool, imperfect paint of the wall. Grounding. Still basically useless even for that. He's not sure what else to do with them. His hands have always been for breaking, not holding. And if there's one thing he doesn't want to break, it's whatever this is. If there's one thing he doesn't want to do, it's to push Kakashi away.]

[Black tomoe spin out of suddenly red irises. Nothing else about Sasuke moves but his breath. He can't say a word, but his stillness speaks volumes. He denies nothing.]

[ He doesn't have to. His stillness speaks volumes, and so does his heart, the roar of it screaming yes under Kakashi's stroking thumb. And maybe Kakashi could stand here, watching Sasuke let him do this, allow Kakashi to take control of him, of the moment. Of the very breath in his lungs, the beat of his heart. It would be easy, so easy, for Kakashi to tighten his grip and let him struggle. Tighten his grip and let him choke. But Sasuke lets him do it anyway. Stands there with his back flushed to the wall and his heart thundering under Kakashi's hand, breathing like he thinks (or hopes) Kakashi might just do it. Sucking in his breaths with such slow, staggered desperation, Kakashi can feel the tremors as they tremble into his lungs and back out again. Puffing across the infinitesimal space between them.

The commas in Sasuke's eyes turn and Kakashi watches, considers the heat of the burn, just how good it's going to feel. It's a different kind of fire from the one he's accustomed to when it comes to Sasuke; a fire that burns hot, instead of cold, and Kakashi almost wishes it could always be like this. Thinks that maybe it can. And the madness of this, the rage, is the kind that has no name, the kind that doesn't reach for blades or vengeance, but for something else instead. Something that refastens strings cut long ago with Kakashi's fingers around Sasuke's throat.

He takes a moment to enjoy this, the staccato of Sasuke's pulse and the stutter of his breaths. The tremor in his thighs, and the twitch in his pants that Kakashi presses his knee against in a slow, deliberate rub. And then he leans in, the ridge of his masked nose brushing against Sasuke's.

For a moment he considers kissing him through the mask. Maintaining the illusion of control, of discipline.

But then Sasuke breathes out again, and it whispers across Kakashi's lips in quiet invitation. A breath, and Kakashi decides he won't be satisfied unless there is nothing between them. Won't be satisfied until he has Sasuke gasping against his mouth, and maybe then, he'll squeeze his fingers. Maybe then, he'll let Sasuke choke. Or maybe he'll wait until the very end, when Sasuke opens his mouth to scream Kakashi's name as he comes, but no sound comes out because he can't get in a single breath.

The thought alone makes Kakashi drag in a sharp, audible breath through his own nose as he breathes in the scent of Sasuke and then, in a single, fluid movement, he drags his mask down and crushes his mouth in a bruising kiss against Sasuke's. Stealing a kiss the way he steals his breath and vision with his other hand curling across Sasuke's eyes. ]

Edited 2014-02-27 07:32 (UTC)

[The wait is so fucking maddening that Sasuke's suddenly certain he isn't dreaming.]

[Of course there are other cues. The way Kakashi's fingers shift against his neck, pressing tendon and sinew in a way that makes the blood beat a little harder in Sasuke's veins, with just enough pressure to fuzz the faintest, faintest outline of purple at the lower corners of his vision. Or maybe that's just the edge of dizziness that comes when Kakashi's thigh presses in closer and strokes against his junk, pressing his balls up against his cock and making the latter twitch suddenly closer to firm, making the already labored breaths shudder over his lips. Gods.]

[But all of that is nothing compared to the anticipation.]

[The way those goosebumps standing up every single hair follicle tingle numb but sharp as Kakashi just watches him, sizes him up, promises and consideration in his gaze and Sasuke feels half like a priceless heirloom and half like a cut of meat. Those eyes tell him Kakashi knows exactly how to take care of him, and also that Kakashi's going to devour him whole. His eyes promise lips and teeth with an explicitness Sasuke didn't know was even possible. And all the time, that one thumb grazing over the pounding vessel of his blood screams danger and protection in a perfect, promised balance Sasuke has no idea how to combat. Not that he fears the threat - just that the threat is going to drive him mad the longer it goes unfulfilled.]

[It's not until Kakashi leans close enough for their noses to brush that Sasuke's eyes drop, from one grey eye to two covered lips, still curled into that smirk that's so, so much clearer through fabric at this distance. And still Kakashi holds off and the tenseness winding tighter and tighter in Sasuke's body threatens to snap. He doesn't fidget, doesn't actually let his body move with that instinct, but it's so tangible in the air and in his flesh and in his chakra that it barely matters that he holds himself still.]

[And then Kakashi inhales, and that control falters and it's barely a fraction of a millimeter in movement but Sasuke half squirms against the wall as fingers curl across his eyes. His heartbeat spikes instantly, the edge of instinctive panic towards blindness that he never has and doubts he ever will escape, but he barely has a moment to contemplate that before hot breath rushes against his, weight leans into and over him and his cock twitches hard (gains slow firmness and length) against the slight shift of thigh between his - and lips press so firmly to his that he barely has a chance to feel the way four lips meet and mold together before teeth are behind them and pinning his head back against the drywall, finally bringing that anticipation to a climax with such eagerness and force that Sasuke's not sure what direction his breath moves in: half sucking a gasp of still-disbelieving want out of the heat of Kakashi's mouth, half blowing a sigh of satisfied completion out through his nose. The pads of his fingers drag against the mottled surface of the paint as his fingers curl, and honest to the gods he sinks a quarter-inch against that wall as his knees turn to water. He suddenly doubts there was ever a time he didn't want this.]

[ Kakashi never thought this would have been something he would've wanted. But now, with Sasuke's mouth so pliant and soft underneath his own, parting with a gasp, Kakashi can't imagine he would've ever wanted anything else. Can't even remember a time in his life when he's wanted anything more. His entire world has narrowed in on this very moment, on Sasuke panting against his mouth, wanting and hungry and needy and Kakashi almost wonders why he waited so fucking long. Spending all this time playing sensei when he could have been fucking Sasuke instead. He doesn't waste time in the chase, dripping his tongue past supple lips to dance against Sasuke's in a hungry, possessive brush. Sasuke tastes like tea and fire and Kakashi chases right after it, humming into the kiss as his teeth nip, digging into Sasuke's soft, fleshy lower lip, drawing it into his mouth and between the sieve of his teeth in a single hard suck.

The weight of Sasuke's balls crushed against his thigh when his knees weaken and he drops down, the lovely feeling of his cock, hardening and lengthing and pressing just so, stirs something violent inside Kakashi. Makes his own arousal jump up, hard and fast. He pushes his clothed dick forward, pressing it against Sasuke's hip. Wanting Sasuke to know just what this is doing to him. That he wants this as bad as Sasuke, whose trembling pulse in his hand only makes him want to control it even more.

He tightens his grip on Sasuke's throat, pushing his hand up so it forces Sasuke's face up to him. Just enough pressure to make it a little hard to breathe. Enough pressure to remind Sasuke who's claiming him like this. And oh, does he want to claim Sasuke for himself. Make it so Sasuke belongs to him, and no one else. Burn himself into Sasuke with equal parts lightning and lust and make it so Sasuke will never think about leaving them (him) again because all Sasuke can think about is Kakashi's hand around his throat and his tongue in his mouth. Maybe if he's all Sasuke ever thinks about, Sasuke won't have space to consider anything else.

He grinds his hips forward, in equal rhythm with the press of his thigh, considering dragging his hand down from Sasuke's eyes to rip his pants open. He wants to feel Sasuke, hot and pulsing in his palm, feel the beat of his heart through his cock. Maybe even take it down his throat and watch Sasuke's shocked expression at the thought of his sensei sucking him off. Or maybe he'll just stand there with his hand around Sasuke's throat, watching him squirm as he just teases the tip, jerking him off far too slowly for it to be anything other than just the most pleasurable of tortures. Or maybe he'll do both, really take his time to enjoy this, enjoy the way Sasuke trembles underneath him, the way he gives himself up to Kakashi for the claiming, as though it's the only thing he's ever wanted.

As though it's all he's ever dreamed about. ]

Edited 2014-02-28 03:29 (UTC)

[For just a second, there's that fraction of Sasuke that, while the rest of him knows with bright, burning certainty that this is almost too real, fears that he's still dreaming. Because Kakashi's tongue slipping inside his mouth feels just like he always dreamed it would (though he doesn't remember when those dreams started or how they could have had this much clarity), devouring and claiming and sort of fucking vicious even if it's just Kakashi's tongue stroking in against his tongue. Not that there's anything Kakashi's doing that can be described as "just" doing anything. No, he's pinning Sasuke against the wall and devouring his mouth with such voracity that it's only the taste of jasmine that tells him this is absolutely real, because that's the last taste he would have conjured up in his head for Kakashi, shared tea or no, and it jars him.]

[Just like that press of Kakashi's hips to his jars him, Kakashi's cock pressing hard (hard) against his hip, and it's like striking himself with his own Chidori with the way that rips realization into him. This is real, and pressing heavy against his hip is the evidence that Kakashi wants it. That this isn't some test or hideous joke or whatever other bullshit excuse his brain has been scrambling to conjure up, because the fact that Kakashi not only wants to kiss him but wants to fuck him is twitching against him with so much heat he can feel the burn through the heavy fabric of Kakashi's pants and the flimsy knit of his own.]

[So his hips roll forward, what little they can under Kakashi's weight, grinding against that bulge to let Kakashi know he can feel it and he wants every filthy thing Kakashi could possibly do to him. That's the first thought when he moves, though the same motion drags his crotch up the curve of Kakashi's thigh, friction on his own junk, and he shudders with a breathless gasp into the kiss, blowing hot breath over Kakashi's lips when teeth bite down into his. He rocks again, grinding himself against Kakashi's thigh with a desperation he really, really does not want to examine.]

[He could blame hormones for this, the accursed sex drive he's always hated and tried to be rid of, the physicality alone and the weakness he has to touch. He knows he could. But fuck him, he doesn't even try.]

[Instead all he can focus on is the heat as bodies press close, and how that feels so much better than being cold and alone. How that lightning in Kakashi's hands is roaring a fire in him he thought had died years ago. How when Kakashi's fingers tighten and his pulse stutters, the only words he can think of are please and yes. Kakashi's hand right there, wrapped around breath and blood, holding Sasuke's very life in what is a gentle caress now compared to the fist he could make of it. In one motion Kakashi could crush the bloodflow until Sasuke's brain dies in his addled head, could crush his windpipe until Sasuke drowns on a lack of air, could snap his neck in an instant of pain chased immediately by black nothing. But he doesn't. And Sasuke knows he won't. Knows it with a certainty he's felt about few things in his life. Instead he just tilts Sasuke's head up so that Kakashi has a better angle to plunder his mouth; just squeezes enough to make purple spots dance in the black in front of his eyes, to make Sasuke gasp a little harder into the kiss and prove how much he wants this. Slows his blood just enough to intensify the throb in Sasuke's cock. It's walking an infinitesimal line between pleasure and death, and fuck, isn't that what shinobi life is? And if there's one person Sasuke thinks could do it to him and do it right, it's Kakashi. Just as long as Kakashi keeps fucking holding on, holds onto those threads and keeps Sasuke pinned right here and doesn't fucking (let) go.]

[And he's not. And with Kakashi's hands holding onto him, Sasuke forgets, for a moment, that his own hands are hands that break. Because a hand full of lightning is holding him pinned and pleasured and alive, more alive than he's been in more years than he can pin down, and all Sasuke can do is obey the instinct to hold on. To lift his hands to grip, and like any shinobi his ability to reach in and take and hold is deft. One hand means only to slide under the back of Kakashi's vest, but one finger catches the tail of his shirt and he takes every advantage, gliding fingers across bare skin and up Kakashi's spine until the rumple of vest stops the crook of his elbow, hand splayed on shoulder blade right above Kakashi's heart. It's his left hand, the one full of lightning, and that seems like a perfect balance to the one on his throat, and like Kakashi he just holds on, pulling the other close and refusing to let go. The other hand moves to close the circuit in a different way: while Sasuke can't see, it's too easy to find Kakashi's face pressed so close to his - to graze the heel of his palm briefly over sparse scruff he would never have pictured under that mask, and the tight angle of a very strong jaw - and drift down, running fingers much more delicately down the side of Kakashi's neck, and just hold there, heel against Kakashi's pulse and fingers wrapping back around to touch the column of Kakashi's spine. His grip is nowhere near as tight as the one on his throat. Because unlike Kakashi, with the proof that he could and only the promise that he won't, Sasuke's hold is proof and promise both in one. He won't. His fingers are right there, and he won't even pretend to tighten his grip. He'll just hold on, letting all the sparks fly between their dancing tongues and all the heat boil between hips arcing up against hips.]

Edited 2014-02-28 06:35 (UTC)

[ Kakashi's spent his entire life letting go.

Never knowing how to properly hold on until it was far too late.

He didn't know how he was supposed to be able to hold onto something precious when all he had ever done was break things. When his hands were made for killing, and not for wrapping around something or someone to hold onto. When holding on was as dangerous as the hope that promises he made were ones he could keep, when all he ever seemed good at doing was breaking them with a handful of lightning. Sometimes it was all he ever seemed to do: opening his hands and letting go.

Opening his hands and cutting through strings and turning his back and never looking back to the boy who needed him when he had no one else. The boy who now holds on tighter than he's ever held on before, and Kakashi thinks it's time. He's let go of Sasuke too many times. Thinks he can't, won't do it again when his letting go had led to Sasuke's footsteps in the rain that no amount of chasing could ever catch up to. Sasuke was always one step ahead and Kakashi was always too fucking late. Maybe this time, he's finally figured it out, how to make Sasuke stay, how to give Sasuke something to hold onto by learning how to hold on as well. Holding on, even if he knows how dangerous this is, with his mouth panting hungry and hot against Sasuke's when the boy drags his ass up the length of his thigh and Kakashi can feel the lovely softness of his balls and the hard bulge of his cock pressing, jumping against thin fabric as Sasuke ruts himself hungrily, grinds his hip against Kakashi's dick. The hard ridge of his hip gives just enough friction to make Kakashi that much harder, make his own hips move back in return in a sharp undulation.

He tries not think about how Sasuke knows how to do any of this. Tries not to consider that this is kiss is anything but inexperienced and uncertain, that Sasuke's movements speak volumes to where he's been all these years. Tries not to think about who else has been here, kissing Sasuke like this, doing this to him, and instead just focuses on the way Sasuke's hand sweeps up his back, as though he's counting every divot of spine in an attempt to understand Kakashi a little better. Maybe if he understands what's under his skin, he'll be able to figure him out. To know him the way no one else does. Why he hides under a mask instead of his own skin like everyone else.

His pulse jumps under the press of Sasuke's hand against his throat, and his tongue is as vicious as his teeth as they crush down on Sasuke's lower lip -- hard enough for it to hurt just right, but not deep enough to draw the taste of copper. Just enough to reassert his dominance, to remind Sasuke who's kissing him, as he sweeps his tongue back out to soothe the hurt and tightens his hand around Sasuke's throat once more. Just a little more pressure to make it harder to breathe. A little more pressure to make him choke as Kakashi's thigh presses hard against Sasuke's dick, encouraging him to ride his thigh a little harder. He doesn't want anyone touching Sasuke like this again. Doesn't want anyone to know how Sasuke's heart feels as it trembles under his hand, how Sasuke willingly offers up his life to Kakashi to crush or to hold. How Sasuke's breath sounds when it hitches in his throat. Sasuke's breath which might as well be Kakashi's now, because he'll claim it the way he's claiming Sasuke with his plundering mouth. Claiming Sasuke the only way he knows how.

With equal parts violence and love and need and hope.

Even now, Sasuke's still holding back parts of himself, still keeping his control carefully wound. Giving into this dance, into this kiss, pressing his throat into Kakashi's hand. But he hasn't given all of himself just yet. He's still holding onto the parts of him that he's afraid to show, swallowing it down the way he swallows down moans, but Kakashi wants more. Wants to hear him as much as he wants to taste him, see all the parts of him Sasuke's still holding back. Maybe he fucks him hard enough, Sasuke will forget himself and come undone, scream himself hoarse.

Maybe then he'll see him.

All of him.

He breaks the kiss with a ragged breath with every intention of teasing, with words on the tip of his tongue and a smirk that drags up the scarred corner of his mouth that are meant to get under Sasuke's skin just enough. Insist that, really, Sasuke, you need to stop holding back. ]

[ But the moment his mouth breaks apart from Sasuke's and he gets in a breath, reality slams itself straight through him like a knife to the front, shock spiking hard through his body as he yanks his head back and stares at just what the fuck he's doing, at his hand wrapped around Sasuke's throat and Sasuke's glistening mouth parted and panting and swollen from kisses, and Kakashi can feel him pressing against his thigh, can feel himself, still at full hardness, pressing against Sasuke's hip and-- what the fuck have you done, you fucking piece of trash.

A ragged, sharp gasp, half-aborted, almost painful, chokes its way past his mouth and Kakashi rips himself away from Sasuke in a frantic jerk, taking a hard step, then two back as he yanks his mask back up over his face. For a moment, he just stares at Sasuke in quiet horror, eye roaming over the boy's disheveled state, the red marks on the pale column of his throat that will absolutely turn into bruises, and it's like a hand of lightning through the chest all over again. A hand of lightning and Kakashi breaking promises to protect the things that are most precious, breaking promises because it's what he does. Breaking promises like he breaks people and ends lives and fucks up in ways that are unforgivable.

He can't even meet Sasuke's eyes, can't bring himself to see the betrayal, disappointment, shock. Doesn't know what the fuck came over him to make him do what he just did, or why Sasuke was so receptive when it was so wrong, and surely, it wasn't what Sasuke really wanted, no. Couldn't be, when Sasuke is only seventeen fucking years old and Kakashi is his superior in every way, and even if Kakashi is no stranger to this sort of arrangement, he had taken advantage of Sasuke's trust in him in the worst possible way.

He can't be here right now.

He can't be standing here when he clearly can't even trust himself with Sasuke, can't trust that he won't just lose his self-control and go after Sasuke again when Sasuke is vulnerable and what he needed was a friend, a sensei, not another older man trying to manipulate and control him and fuck him and (no, don't go there, Kakashi doesn't even want to think back to just how experienced Sasuke was, doesn't want to think about who it was that gave him that experience because to think it will destroy him and he's already destroyed too much) he turns on his heel and in a flash, he's out the fucking door. ]

Edited 2014-03-02 23:01 (UTC)

Every breath, every single gasp, is a struggle, and that's true even before Kakashi's hand tightens. Because Sasuke's losing himself in this, as fully and absolutely as he lost himself during the years between Konoha and now. Those years, though - those were not by choice. (He deluded himself into thinking they were. Into believing that the loss was a necessary part of gain, and that putting down things he wanted to hold was the only way to pick something else up.)

But this? This is by choice.

By choice, he's holding on with both hands. Letting himself become lost in this, lost in breath and heat and touch and closeness that transcends the tangible. And it's terrifying, letting anyone in, letting Kakashi push until he's practically climbed inside Sasuke's soul. Climbed halfway inside his body, starting from his mouth and promising more if Sasuke will let him.

And Sasuke wants to let him. He's tired of being afraid.

He's spent most of his life being afraid. Afraid of the expected things - pain and death and loss and failure. Especially failure. And afraid, more than all these things (maybe more than all of them combined) of not being good enough. Not just to win, to meet his goals, but for anything. Not being good enough to hold on, to deserve to hold onto something with both hands. Something he wants himself, instead of just being told - telling himself - that he wants it. He wants this. Five minutes ago it wouldn't have been something he'd be willing to let himself want. To dare to think he was good enough. But the way Kakashi holds on... the way Kakashi touches him, kisses him, presses his fingers and tongue and cock into him in ways that promise more if Sasuke only wants it -

He thinks maybe Kakashi thinks he's good enough.

Thinks, for the first time, that maybe Kakashi believes that, that it's not just pretty words meant to hold Sasuke still.

So when that hand tightens down on his throat, the catch of his breath is sharp, very audible. A quiet choke of air made louder by the fact that his breath already struggles before it's cut off, shuddering with the intensity of sensation and pleasure and need and quiet, tentative acceptance.

He accepts the choking off of his air as readily as the rest - perhaps more so, because that at least is something he already knows. Something familiar. He expects - revels in - the way it sharpens sensation, intensifying the throb of pain in his lip (the throb of need in his cock), pulse struggling with heavier pumps of blood. He's done this before. Has had it done to him. What's new is the certainty that Kakashi wouldn't be doing this if Sasuke had protested. The way he's paused at every step to see if Sasuke would struggle instead of pressing his throat against the other's palm. The fact - the fact - that this is because Sasuke wants this, as much as because Kakashi does. And fuck him, but that only makes him hold on tighter.

Makes him kiss with more fervor, tongue heavy and slow and pressing and tangling; makes his fingers curl in to drag light scratches along Kakashi's nape. Makes him take that invitation and undulate against the wall, pressing his whole self close to the other as much as riding the other's thigh between his legs.

And when Kakashi pulls back, even with the hand blocking his sight, Sasuke's eyes blink open to search. And there's a sliver, not much of a space between Kakashi's fingers but more than enough for Sharingan. And through it, Sasuke catches Kakashi's chin and the very edge of lips quirked into a velvet, predatory smirk. The shudder underneath Kakashi's fingers would be a moan if Sasuke could get the breath to voice it.

Edited 2014-03-14 02:55 (UTC)

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